I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
These tits shall not be calmed
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
