It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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