Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize