Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
