He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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