Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
