Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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