Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
