Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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