i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
