god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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