i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize