every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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