there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
