A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
