she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
