one word: firstdatebathroomanal
You can't motorboat a personality
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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