okay pat passed out under dana's car
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
