Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
