thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
