So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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