can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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