Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
