I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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