He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
