Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize