he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
did i walk over a car last night?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
We were destined to go to rehab together
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
