Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Houston, we have a squirter
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
