Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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