So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
