so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
