you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
It all started with a game of naked twister.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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