Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize