Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
