I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
