She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
