I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
