he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You're like the curious george of whores
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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