So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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