I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
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