I am in a vortex of obligation.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
