Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
