i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize