I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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