Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
