PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
