Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
