And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize