then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm lost and stupid without you.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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