everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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