I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
