I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize