Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
