I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
