As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize