HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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