halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
