Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
