just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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