i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
