I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
