I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You made out with two different species that night
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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