apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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