I'm sorry my penis didn't work
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
