This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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