Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
