I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
