I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize