god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
where are you?
Hypothermia
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
