We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
