She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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