Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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