I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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