I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
