its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize