I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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