No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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