Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
