Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
