I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
