Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
