im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
