my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize