threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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