I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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