What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Randomize
