You just made me feel so damn special
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
