the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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