i can't believe i had my finger in that
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Randomize
