It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
