Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
