some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
