he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
