so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
