Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
