so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize