i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
