Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
