Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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